Joy in 2019

I have some goals for 2019.  I'd like to go on three trips.  I'd like to reach my goal weight by June 1.  I'd like to develop a closer relationship with God.  I'd like to heal from the inside out.  I'd like to set boundaries and be confident. 
Objectives:
1. Plan and Go!
2. exercise smartly, serious tracking, try Holy Mess
3.  Attend church weekly
4. Work on healing and spiritual challenges
5.  Set boundaries and do not react to others opinions.

Change One thing

If I could change one this that happened this year it would be that my daughter didn't have to suffer like she did this summer.  She had a horrible year, but especially a difficult summer.  Between the burns and the foot surgery she truly suffered.  If I could change anything it would be to say no to that surgery (I don't think the benefits were worth it) and I would have not let her make that ram an noodles.  Those two events were horrifying. 

World Goals

List of things I would like to see in the world:
1. Way less judgement in the way women look.
2. Less propaganda in the media
3. More acceptance with different ideas
4. More reasonable thinking
5.  Less domestic animal breeding for the hell of it.

Count your Blessings

1. country- best one in the world
2. home- I love it here
3. husband- we are meant to be together
4. children- both biological and step
5. grandchildren- those that are lost, those that are here, and those that are yet to come
6. weather- cold, but not too bad
7. pets- all are rescue, all are lucky to be here
8. food network
9. health
10. chiefs are in the playoffs
11. christmas will soon be over- getting pretty tempting in here
12.  naps
13. pjs
14. central heat and air
15. modern technology
16. Most importantly- Jesus- his birthday is soon which marks when he came to earth to teach us the word and to save us from our sins.

Most Proud of this year

The thing I am most proud of this year would be the weight loss.  I wish it had been more, like 50, but so far it has been 38.  And this Christmas season has been rough.  There are cookies everywhere!  But the 38 feels pretty amazing.  I am wearing three sizes smaller.  I feel a whole lot better.  I have been working on my health as a whole.  I feel like I know myself a lot better.  Spiritually as well as mentally.  I have had everything medically examined.  That's a relief.  I have worked hard and suffered a lot.  My goal for December was to just get through it without gaining and to enjoy it.  To actually enjoy it.  I did a lot of enjoying and not working.  I  mean I worked, but the Christmas activities weren't work.  They were enjoyed.  Today I wrapped presents with the help of my daughters.  Usually I have them wrapped a couple of weeks ago.  This year, I was too busy looking at lights, drinking cocoa and watching movies.  I have relaxed.  Last weekend we had a cookie extravaganza and I have been having a hard time staying out of them.  When I want one (some) I will either eat one and then a salad; or I will put one in a bowl along with some fruit, almonds, and cheese.  Or I just eat a handful and feel bad about it after.  I've only done that once.  I could do it a hundred times.  Come Wednesday, it is back to serious tracking and restricting.  I have kept up with my workouts.  That hasn't been a problem. 

Transformation

These two pictures are 10 months apart and 38 pounds difference.  It is 4 days till Christmas and all I want to do is cheat.  I need to look at these pictures.

What's in the bag?

So.  What is in my purse?
sunglasses
wallet
midol
checkbook
God with Us booklet
acetaminophen
coin purse
receipts (3)
football card
gift cards (3)
honey lip butter made from goat milk
4 pens


Exciting stuff, man.

Gratitude at Christmas

Top ten things I am grateful to do with family at Christmas:
1.  watch Christmas movies- Deck the Halls, Scrooged, Family Man, etc
2.  Make cookies with daughters
3.  Look at lights
4.  Worship service
5.  Outside Nativity
6.  gingerbread houses
7. School Christmas program
8.  Donation of some kind to charity
9. Put up decorations
10.  listen to carols in the car

Random Lists

Random lists from my Amazon account:

First 10 songs played on shuffle:
134 Days by karise Eden
Awake my Soul by Mumford & Sons
Let it Be Me by Joey & Rorie
Benefit for Mr. Kite by Across the Universe soundtrack
Christmas Love by Beckah Shae
Elsa and Anna by Frozen Soundtrack
All you need is Love by Across the Universe soundtrack
Don't you Remember by Adele
The Way it Is by Commitments soundtrack
Music by Beckah Shae


Three Random books on Kindle:
Finding Freedom by Alyssa Bethke
Phantom Evil by Heather Graham
The hearts of a Girl by Jessica Carmel


Last Five Things bought:
Dog bones from Amazon
1lb workout weights from Amazon
Robitussin from Walmart
Gingerbread house from Walmart
gas from Casey's

Weekend of Holiday Cheer

This weekend was pretty enjoyable.  Saturday morning I did a workout and then  my son came over to visit.  He got his first coyote on Saturday.  Then my daughters and I had a cookie extravaganza.  We each made a different cookie and used a recipe that we have never made before.  I receive a recipe daily from Betty Crocker.  Two of the recipes were those: Easy Russian Tea Snowballs and Chocolate Truffles.  I made Susan Lucci's grandma's peanut butter cookies.  Those were marvelous!  Following the bake-off we delivered to my grandmother's spreading holiday cheer.  Later that evening we went to Memory Lane light display.  Which inspired my husband to hang lights.  First time ever.  Been together 19 years. 
Today I went to church with my youngest daughter.  I hadn't been there in almost a month.  Between illness, snow storm, and a new grand baby being born last Sunday morning I hadn't been there.  Felt good to get back there.  This afternoon I took the dog on a long walk and then made gingerbread houses with my daughter.  Spent the rest of the afternoon watching Elf and taking a nap.  Was a real good weekend. 

Betty

You know how in life there are those women who are just better than anyone else?  Not prettier or smarter or anything like that, but there souls are just better than everyone else. And no matter how hard you tried, no one will ever be as good as they are. They are angels disguised as humans.  Mrs Dawson from Lyndon; Darlene Griffin from Ottawa, and Betty Driver from Pomona.  Yesterday, the world lost Betty Driver. I miss her.  And I am so sorry that I disappointed her.

The Year in Goals

In February my goal was just to lose weight.  Since then I have planned more goals and for the most part completed or improved in those areas.  I have upped my self care tremendously and am still nowhere near high maintenance.  I have demanded my health be taken care of.  I have been or have appointments in the medical field to have proper medical care.  I have been working on enjoyment.  I had none, no I do.  I am working on practicing mental health through mediation and journaling as well as other methods.  Self Love is being attempted to practice.  I have put into place a daily worship with God.  I have been working on boundaries.  My MIL is a little slow on the take with that one.  Each month or season I have some short term theme being focused on.  I was working on my plateau last.  This month I have been working on enjoying Christmas season while still maintaining my healthful living.  I think I have come a long way.  I still need to work on my weight loss.  I still need to work on it all.  But I am on the right path.  I am better.  I am enough.

Bad Habit

Bad habits, bad habits.  What is a bad habit?  Depends on who you are asking.  What isn't a bad habit to me might be to you if had to deal with me doing it.  I have a bad habit of eating more than I should.  I also tend to be nervous when it isn't warranted.  I have a horrible temper.  All are bad characteristics.  Bad habit though?  I bite off my hang nails with my teeth.  Which is tearing up my teeth.  I also have a habit of drinking too much caffeine.  And there you have it.  Must they be broken?  I will decide. 

Free Range

Free writing on my intuition.  hmmmm, that's a tuffy.  My intuition is usually pretty good, but can get a little messed up with my paranoia.  However, the world is pretty negative so sometimes paranoia doesn't mean they aren't after you.  I feel like my intuition would probably be better if when I said something, people would consider it instead of brushing it off as the ramblings of a nut job.  Even when the things happen, they don't connect it with me.  However, I could listen to it at anytime.  I could take myself seriously as well.  I don't take myself seriously.  I don't respect myself all that much.  I don't set up boundaries.  All of that I need to do.  For myself and my home.  Other people would benefit as well, but that's neither here nor there.  I was supposed to write three feelings I wanted to feel for the Christmas season.  The first one was appreciated.  That leaned on everyone else though.  Appreciation is overrated.  I changed it to Joy.  They can appreciate me all they want.  Or don't.  I should just have joy.  I also picked peace.  I kept that one.  The other I can't recall the original, but I changed it to wonder.  I would like to feel some wonder.  Endless wonder.