macros, smacros

So I did some steps in the Metabolism Reset Challenge and discovered that some days I am no where near the calories or grams of anything and some days I am way over the calories.  It has been pointed out on two other things I follow (CWL and an Instagram blog) that bingeing or emotional eating is bad because of .......  So when it was put in mathematical format I could see it.  I need to stop over eating some days and then trying to make up for it on others.  Weight watchers has "weekly" points for special days, but I was using them to excess and then trying to make up.  I need to make it a more balanced week.  Balance is my November word.  I am going to work on balancing my diet before I go further into why I am not losing as quickly as I would like.
Culprits:
Stress
Vitamins (weird outta balance thing I got going on)
sleep
food sensitivities.  I have had blood work, I think that area is fine.

The Hurdles

What are my mental and emotional hurdles that I have been going through?  Well.....I have doing a lot of soul searching in the last few months.  Along with my physical health I felt the need to become healthy mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Which meant coming to deal with a lot of stuff in the past.  Most of which I feel I have come to terms with as of late.  I also felt the need to place it to the side for a bit.  Let it rest.  However, yesterday I received a call from my lawyer about going over the papers for our will.  We saw him in June and as most know, we had the summer from hell.  This unstable state was being had during the time the original papers were being drawn up for the will.  I thought I had put it to rest when he "came to", but as I keep reading I keep having flash backs to his behavior as well as all of the trauma of the summer.  It has become difficult to read the papers (and not just because they are in attorney speak).  I'm thinking maybe I am not ready to read and rehash.  I may need to take this in baby steps. 

Reflection

This week I have learned that Jesus had all of the exact same temptations as everyone else.  Which is something I kind of knew until I blended it with this: everyone in the world has the same temptations.  So in other words, the heroin addicts have the same temptations as me.  Yet I find myself not at all fighting the desire for heroin.  Yet, a Buzzard's Pizza?  So both me and the addict are enticed the same.  But I can say, "heroin?  No, I'm good."  Maybe the other guy can't.  Temptations are the same, we just say yes to different things.  We still fall.  Temptations are all the same, if you can turn down one you can turn down another.  Furthermore, you can't snub your nose as anyone falling to their temptations when you fall to yours.   I need to ask God's help in continuing the process, in fighting temptations, in balance.  The lies I believed that I need to stop is: my temptations aren't as bad as someone else's, that I am destined to be this way, that my pride doesn't get in the way. 

tools

What tools do I need to achieve my goals?  That is the question of the day. So I was thinking of things to buy.  However, my simple living blog I read said that more stuff is more stuff.  So what do I need that isn't more stuff?  I don't know.  I don't want to get stuff for the sake of getting stuff.  I will be needing some workout shoes shortly.  So there's that.  I also need to stock up on chicken, fish, and fresh fruits and veggies.  I am getting a little bored of the same old same old.  Need to liven things up.  Get some unique fruits and veggies.  Probably have to go to Lawrence for that. 

the way out

Weirdly two different bible readings gave the same verses this morning.  God must want me to know something.  And that something is......

All temptations are the same for everyone  and he will always give you a way out.  No temptation is more than anyone can bear.  He is faithful.  Jesus is the high priest and he was tempted in the same ways as me.  He never fell.  He knows what I'm talking about. 

Change

Paul's three step process
1. put out old self
2. be made new in attitude of minds
3. put on new self

Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Kindness is probably the easiest, self-control is the hardest.

CHANGE

I haven't really lost any weight in the last two months.  It has gone up and down the same 3 pounds by the week.  But I felt I was being called to work on something else for a time.  I had heard of weight loss plateaus and felt that that's what was happening and since it was, I might as well work on something else.  That something else being healing from past wounds.  Wounds that may very well have caused the weight issue to begin with.  I worked on several issues and wounds.  I worked on psychological aspects as well as emotional and stress related.  I dove pretty deep for a person without their main crutch.  That might be why I didn't lose anything as well.  I think I did pretty well considering.  It was an emotionally hard two months.  I also had some medical exams and tests done.  I am not one to visit the doc unless I am ill, so this was all pretty new.  Got a pap for the first time in about 10 years, first mammogram ever, blood work, etc.  All is well.  But now I am thinking I need to let it rest a bit.  Give my soul some time to heal and time to strengthen.  I want to focus back on basic eating and exercise.  My new goal is to be in one size smaller by spring break.  We are going to be on a plane and I would like my butt to be the size of the average American butt.  I am going to start focusing on more veggies and lower points.  I am going to continue to do walking,yoga and tai chi, but also to do more Pilates and strength training.  My goal is pretty simple.  I need some simple right now.  I am not going to drop the self-love and self-care, but I am going to put the major mental topics and actives on the back burner.  I need some down time in that department.

Week three

2. Yes it does.  I was thinking the other day about a woman who claims to be Christian and yet lives in a typically "unchristian like" fashion.  Then it occurred to me that she still may love God with all she has and that her behavior and love for God is none of my business nor any less real than mine.  She is his image same as me and no better or different.  His daughter too.

1.  I need to get rid of shame in bringing my health and consideration for it public.  Not necessarily public, but not hidden.  When you need to exercise, don't hide it just do it.  When you want to turn down a dessert, just turn it down.  If you want to eat it, just eat it.  Don't sneak it. 

3. In a way both.  I am encouraged that the spiritual war is there, because I know that all will end well and that there is nothing outside of my mind I can do about it.  On the other hand, there is nothing on the outside of my mind I can do about it.