Acknowledgment

 Three things I have accomplished lately:

1.  kept off 20 pounds

2.  finished book room

3.  

Three things I love about me:

1. I think I'm funny

2. smart

3. nice rack

Peace in the year 2020

 So my word of the year is Peace.  God has a sense of humor.  At first I thought having peace during a mandatory shut down would be easy.  A blessing!  I underestimated living with extroverts with a high sense of drama in a pandemic.  Then when things started to lighten up the world decided we needed to worry about racism, rioting, politics, really strange weather, a depression, money and just about anything a reporter can think of.  All things that need attention.  Just not all at once.  My granddaughter had an illness that was never really diagnosed and stopped breathing.  She was put on a respirator and was in ICU for several days.  Peace has been hard to come by.  I have had to dig down deep.  I have had to restrict my internet and news time.  I have needed to demand space from my husband and daughter (the extroverts I was talking about).  Mediation.  Continued exercise.  Reading.  aaauuuhh!   

2020

 What has happened to me in 2020?  Well, personally, not a lot.  The big COVID this didn't effect me much personally.  My job kept going.  The biggest part was I did homeschooling in the spring.  Which was actually kinda fun.  The silver lining would be that I didn't have to go anywhere for a while.  I have learned about myself and others?  Myself: I would like more down time.  I feel like I missed out on a perfectly good shut down.  Others: Americans don't handle change well.  Especially the people I live with.  Most proud of: Well, I don't know.  I haven't done anything especially prideful.  

Autumn Leaves

 If leaves change color and fall to signal the end of the year, what "grand finale" would I like to see in myself that is similar?  I would love to put down the weight.  To let it fall.  I don't want to carry it around any more.  It is heavy and I am tired.  I don't want it anymore.  I want it to fall and to have a time of down.  Then blossoms.  Any color.  Just blossom.  

Emotional Eating in Crisis

 During stressful times I will emotional eat.  I eat to relieve the pressure, to relax, and to liven things up.  There isn't much that food can't fix.  Emotionally.  Outside of the emotions and keeping me alive it doesn't fix much else.  Texture tends to be important.  Crunchy during need for relaxing, sweets and soft during need to destress and savory during boredom.  

1. Pause: Think am I actually hungry?  

2. Say the Lord's Prayer

3. Try a distraction.  Try a small portion.  NEVER keep anything good in the house that isn't in a small portion.  

Priorities in Crisis

 Right now I am dealing with some family issues.  I have lost both grandparents this year as well as another has been put in a nursing home.  No one can see him because of COVID.  We have to look through the window.  I send him a post card every week.  With cats on them.  He likes cats.  My granddaughter has kidney issues (she is one) and has been in the hospital with a ventilator due to a reaction to her vaccines for the last couple of days.  I don't actually have a problem, just about everyone I know does.  So I worry about them.  

Personal Action Plan:  Try to weed out the narcissism.  How I feel about something doesn't change the outcome.  So I can't doom myself by being happy.  How much I eat doesn't effect the problem.  I can't make it better.  I can't make it worse.  I need to take care of me first.  Like a mama lion.  Then prioritize what is real and what is drama.  

Faith During the Storm worksheet

 I can stop worrying about every little thing.  When I eat what probably isn't "good" just enjoy it and then eat healthier next time.  Listen to music, relax, go outside.  

I am so worried about my granddaughter and her health.  I am worried about her parents.  I am worried that all this health stuff is pointless and it won't matter anyway.  

You of little faith, why are you afraid?

I can guard my heart by controlling my thoughts.  Not allowing outside influences (mostly media) to dictate what is true.  

Fear, disappointment, gratitude, relief.  Zoning out, not fulling believing. overeating, eating badly, TV watching.

Just plain old feel bad.  I don't want to feel bad.

Nervous stomach feeling.  Realize that my feeling don't change anything outside of myself.  A bit narcisstic.  (the real term, not popculteral).