How will I take care of myself next year?

Next year my plan is to work on mental health.  As a child my mental health was used as a method of control.  My husband does the same.  Next year my plan is to work on independent self thoughts.  More separation.  I plan to not walk into traps.  I want to make a decision and if someone doesn't like it, rather than allowing them to degrade until I agree with them or show agony to make them feel superior, I will leave them to deal with their own issues and they can correct my "mistake" on their own.  I want to work on making myself feel secure and happy.  My self image should not depend on someone else.  I have given them too much power.  And most of it is simply to boost their own self esteem. 

How did I take care of myself this year?

Last year was an abundance of trying new things to learn to care/better myself more.  I tried everything for every aspect of my being.  This year I tended to take the things I liked and do just them.  Some of the experiments from last year I decided where stupid, some were unhelpful.  I don't journal near as much as last year, though I do think it is helpful.  I am going to do a 25 journal prompts from The Blissful Mind blog (theblissfulmind.com) to try and get back into the groove. 

Question of the day: How did I take care of myself this year? Could I have done a better job?  This year was full of stress.  I did my best to take care of the stress.  To keep a meditation practice going.  That helped.  I also have tried to incorporate hygge.  That tends to make me feel warm and fuzzy, be it summer or winter.  I have also gone back to a couple of ladies who know their shit and are tried and true to get you back into shape.  Kathy Smith and Denise Austin.  You want your ass kicked, these are the ladies to get it done.  I've gone into following several people online for my fitness routine.  Less walking though.  I need to get that back going.  It seems to be a stress reliever as well as a fitness workout. 

I have not been so obsessed with my fandoms as last year.  That's good.  I like being free instead of having my OCD decided things for me. Last year I did so many challenges that I had to write them down every day and it really became a chore that I hated.

 Spiritually, I have been going to church about every other week, listening to Gospel music several times a week, and reading my devotional.  I try to watch Joyce Meyers every so often.  She is so wise.  Highly recommend her. 

Anyway, there you go.  Not back.  My weight has been on a standstill, but WW has changed things up and I have started to lose weight again on the new program.  So we shall see. 

Fall Gratitude

Things I am grateful for for Fall
1. Post season baseball
2. not so hot
3. wear jeans
4. beautiful colors
5. walk dog on road and not worry about feet temp
6. football
7. hunting season
8. butchering season
9. pumpkin patch
10. Halloween shows on TV
11. new tv seasons start
12. kids go back to school
13. fall festivals

Toxic Thoughts

Toxic Thought: It is pointless.
Truth: Nothing is truly pointless.
God says: I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Affirmation: I accept me.

rewrite my story

Trauma stored in my body.  Well, yes.  Trauma is verbal abuse, physical abuse, manipulation by partner, infidelity, medical trauma with child.  All there.  Most of weight problem came after the medical trauma.  It was brutal and I will probably never heal completely.  I have clung to the food to self-medicate for the above.  I will change my story and make myself a priority.  I will use food for fuel and not a therapeutic relationship.  I will be more healthy.  I will feel confidant.  I will be strong enough to endure whatever life throws at me.  I will leave the weakness behind. 

coming undone

Last year I decided it was the year of health.  I was going to become healthy physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally.  I worked very hard on that.  I lost a lot of weight (not enough, still working on that), I discovered a lot about myself, got in tune with myself, grew closer to God, etc.  This year was going to be the year of adventure.  I was going to take 3 trips and have fun.  Life kept happening.  Also, due in part of the stress of the year, I stopped losing weight.  The year, it is a wonder I didn't gain it all back really.  Everyone around me has been causing extremely high stress.  My daughter announced she was pregnant.  Again.  Still not married.  Then she decided to break up with the dad and go on her own.  My son decided to join the army.  Out of the blue.  Then my grandfather was put on hospice.  That was the spring.  The summer brought, son decided to quit the army.  Which is apparently something you can do.  Daughter's unborn baby has only one working kidney.  Daughter is living in son''s house.  Other daughter struggles with a crazy schedule of dance team and driver's ed, both teachers are flakes who change their schedule on a whim and insist that their whatever is the only thing in the world that counts.  Had to quit dance.  Son decides to move back into his house when he comes back, daughter gets new boyfriend who is living with her.  They move into different house.    Husband decides to revamp the business.  Complete overhaul, mostly to be done by me.  Baby is born.  Grandfather dies and one week later cousin-in-law commits suicide.  Son is  homeless for about 2 months.  I did get a couple of trips in.  Though because of  "I am going to join the army; I am going to quit the army" the trips kept switching.  Before all hell broke loose we got to go to CA to see my step-daughter for Spring Break.  Had to go to Texas for business.  But that doesn't really count.  Went to Illinois for a long weekend in July.  Not exciting, but better than nothing.  It's been trying.  I need a little down time.  I need to control my eating.  I need to rest.  I need shit to quit happening.  A little boredom would be nice.  No more adventure. 

Back to You Challenge

Day 1:  One goal for this week

My goal for this week is to not out eat my points for WW.  It doesn't do any good to pay for the program if you are going to out eat the program.  Ways to do this: plan ahead, snack on more fruits and veggies.