Count my Blessings

Been feeling kinda down lately.  I've got one son in Kuwait (actually he's in Egypt at this moment, but he's stationed in Kuwait), I've got another that just joined and is at Basic, I've got a step daughter that just turned 30, a daughter that is pregnant and moved out last week.  I just finished a class on business that zonked me out and put on several pounds.  We were kept in a room for 9 hours at a time with no choices on our food for two meals a day.  It was horrendous and my stress level is through the roof.  I feel old.  I feel duped.  I feel like all this weight loss stuff is pointless.  I am up 8 pounds from my lowest. My grandfathers are old and suffering tremendously.  They are at the end and I know they are just....done. But, today's mental detox says to count my blessings.  Oh, do I! 
For instance:  I am not in class now and can make my own choices.  My sons are very patriotic.  They are relatively safe.  My daughter is doing fine on her own.  My step daughters are doing fabulous including the cutest baby ever!  I have more free time than ever before.  My house is getting clean (it was disgusting).  I am healthy.  I am loved.  I am strong.  My grandfathers had long good lives.  I am blessed.

Accomplished

I accomplished several things yesterday.  For starters, I paid all of the businesses bills.  Got them done and sent out.  I also prepared the checks to be deposited.  I went the store and got groceries.  I got everything on our list, I got some things on sale as well.  I stayed within my budget, I purchased wise and healthy food.  I came home and did my workout.  I walked 1.5 miles with the dog and did 2 ten minute workouts.  I did my devotions and meditations.  I listened to a abundance mantra while paying bills, thus raising my vibrations.  Yesterday was a good and productive day.

Good about myself

Today I felt good about myself when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had lost a pound and a half.  After having gained 6 pounds over the month of March I didn't really want to weigh myself.  Especially when I had been and feeling so well.  I thought another gain would lead to a depression and disappointment.  But I am ok.  I feel good.  Onward and upward. 

Proud

Something I am proud of today.  Lately I have been bummed.  I have been up and down on the scale.  I think I am done plateauing and then I gain.  Around and round.  Finally it has warmed up here in Kansas and I have been doing some walking.  My daughter has singing lessons on Tuesday night and the teacher lives near a walking trail.  When it is walking weather I walk it.  Yesterday while walking, I was almost to the bridge (about 8 blocks) when it dawned on me that it was easy.  When I started this journey a year ago it was hard.  I was out of breath when I reached the bridge.  I had to rest.  I always wanted to turn back early.  Basically I hated it.  Yesterday I didn't realize I had gone as far as I had.  Yesterday I stopped at the bridge not to rest, but to see if I could get over the fence to the side path.  I walked back with ease and not out of breath.  It was an enjoyable way to spend the afternoon.  Whether I ever get off this old plateau or not, I am proud that I am so much healthier.  I am proud that I am in better shape.  I am grateful that I can enjoy moving again. 

Something I did well today....

Today I went shopping for groceries.  I did it very well.  I got relatively good deals.  I don't regret any purchases.  I got lots of healthy stuff.  I didn't get agitated by anyone.  No one was agitated with me.  That I know of.  I got home in plenty of time to work out and get supper.  I did well today.

What do I want

What do I want with this whole diet thing, anyway?  What I want is to be free.  I want to be free of excess weight and baggage.  I want to be free of judgement.  I want to be free of being pulled down.  However, I also want to be free of restrictions, of planning, and of sacrifice.  I want to do what I want to do.  I want to be free of feeling like I need to eat and just eat when I am hungry. I want to be free of all of the emotional pull.  I want to be free of the need for dieting, the dieting, and the end result.  I want to be free of it all.

San Diego

We recently took a trip to see our daughter in California.  She lives in Laguna Niguel with her husband in a cute little studio apartment not far from the beach.  We left our home in Kansas at the un-Godly hour of 2:45 am to catch a flight to Santa Ana.  Our youngest daughter, the heart kid, had never flown before, and was terrified.  As was I since I still have some apprehensions about flying.  I am scared to death of getting kicked off a plane for being too fat.  We caught a layover in Arizona to discover our gate had been changed to CLEAR ACROSS THE AIRPORT!  We sprinted across to make it in time for the next flight.  We then went straight to Disney Land!  We spent a whole day, looking, riding, but mostly waiting in line.  If ever there were a place to wait in line, Disney would be that place.
The next day we mostly visited.  Went out for breakfast, went the the beach to mess around (too cold to swim), the kids made us pizza in the pizza oven in the courtyard.  It was a nice day.  Sunday we went whale watching.  We were told by both our daughter and the company not to expect much, but we saw a humpback whale, a sea turtle, and a ton of dolphins.  It was so much fun.  We did some more visiting.  My husband wanted to see his old neighborhood and visit a friend.  The following day we had coffee in San Juan which is just the most adorable town ever!  Then a stop in Carlsbad to look at the flowers and on to our sea side rental.  It was a gorgeous day.  The view above is from our living room!
That week we spent a few days in San Diego.  We went to the zoo one day.  It is an enormous zoo!  If ever you go get a two day pass and see it all.  We didn't see it all and we walked over 5 miles that day just in the zoo.  The next day we went to the Midway.  You have to go to the Midway if you go to San Diego.  Everyone will expect it.  It is so interesting too.  My uncle served on that ship in the late 70s so I wanted to go or personal reasons.  Afterward, when ever we told anyone we went to San Diego, they wanted to know if we went to the Midway.  The last day we went to Old Town San Diego.  I wished we had had more time to spend there.  That place is pretty great.  And bring money!  You are going to want lots of souvenirs from Old Town.  It was a great trip.  My youngest wanted to go home earlier than planned and my husband wanted to stay later, so I guess it all evened out.  I thought we went home just right.  Other than we should have stayed at Old Town a little longer and not gotten to the airport so soon.  It was a good week.