Friday, July 20, 2018

what is the one thing I could do this month to further my spiritual journey?

Several times I have had "prayer before meals" challenges or pray anytime really and that seems to get blown off quickly for some reason.  I have trouble doing it for one day, let alone a month.  This month has a week and a half to go.  Can I pray even just once a day?  Can I remember that much? I don't seem to forget to pray when I  need something.  Maybe that's why I always seem to need something.  It's the only way God can get me to talk to him.  I am going to try to pray once a day for no particular reason.   Make it a new habit.  I'm not going to print when I will work it in.  Mainly because I don't want to hear anyone else's opinion about it.  I'm going to give it a try.  Again.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018


Things that make me feel amazing:  being near the mountains.  I love the mountains.  To look at them.  I get bad altitude sickness, so I really don't like being in them, but I do like being near them.  Mountains are magnificent.  Also, when my husband appreciates me.  He doesn't often and he should.  So when he does, I feel amazing.  Being able to do exercises that I couldn't do before.  I love that.  Makes me feel young.  Hearing my kids laugh.  They are all 13 and up but I still love to hear them laugh.  When a cat curls up next to me to sleep.  Seeing the scale go down.  Trying on a shirt that I out grew and now it's a new shirt!  Making something healthy that I just love.  Like the toasted roast beef sandwiches that I got off of a healthy recipe website.  It's loaded with lettuce, tomato, whole grain, mmmmmmmmmm.  Sleeping really good and waking up when I feel like it.  A hot bath and a book.  Watching snow fall.  Feeling hot dry grass with my bare feet.  These are things I love and am grateful for.  They kind of tell you my story as well.  This is me.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

What am I afraid of?

I am going to assume that since this question was on an emotional eating journal list, that they are talking about food and not nuclear war.  I guess I am afraid that I will have to do without.  I have never been close to starving.  I was raised on a farm, so the absence food was never really an issue.  Farms have food.  It wasn't a large variety; you tend to eat what is in season.  But it was all good and healthy and there was plenty of it.  But fresh food does tend to go bad quickly and therefore needs to eaten quickly.  So maybe that's it.  I've been practicing mindful eating and I have discovered that I just like eating.  It taste good.  It's stimulating.  It's fun to be creative with it.  Eating is great!  I am afraid that I will miss out on the fun.  I am afraid that I am going to have something I enjoy taken from me.  Replacing food with exercising is not fun.  It's terrible.  I don't like it.  So I guess that's what I am afraid of.  Suffering.  But I am suffering either way, aren't I? 

Monday, July 16, 2018

How do I feel about me?

Right now, how do I feel about me?  For one, I am disappointed that I can't seem to get back in control of my eating.  I am not where I was a few months ago, but I am not entirely in control either.  I eat more points than it is suggested.  I don't write them all down.  I am eating when I don't especially want to.  That is one of the reasons why I am doing an emotional eating journal for the next 30 days.  But, there is more to me than just eating.  I am dealing with an injured child and she is healing well.  I am trying to run a business and for the most part am doing well there too.  I have hired help, which I am feeling guilty about needing to do.  I don't know why, because people do it all of the time.  I think it's because my husband wants me there all of the time.  He tries to make me feel bad if I am not at his disposal at all times.  But I just don't want to kill myself making everything work all of the time.  That is one of the reasons for this awakening trip I am on now.  I am learning self-care and practicing it even though others seem to resent me for it.  I guess when you have had privilege all this time and then you have equality it might feel like you are being discriminated against.  Others will just have to deal. 

Sunday, July 15, 2018

I'm the author

I am supposed to write my life story as it is now and how I can change it.  That being that I am the author.  Which makes me think of "Once Upon a Time" the series.  My story isn't as eventful as that.  I work, I take care of kids, husband, etc.  Previously I spent years being soooo overworked.  However, after my son graduated from High school and I was down to one kid at home, I felt the need to scale back on what I did.  I spent a couple of years basically working, reading, and watching TV.  There needed to be some changes.  I was burnt out and needed to take care of me for once.  I have actually felt guilty for using the bathroom.  A little self-care was called for.  I didn't even know where to start.  My weight was probably the most pressing so I joined Weight Watchers.  Then began to work on grooming.  I mean, I was clean; but hair cuts were few and far between.  Painting toe nails were a once a month event.  Moisturizing and flossing were full blown luxuries.  You know.  The mom stuff.  I have been working on myself quite a bit.  Don't know if it is helping or not.  What I would like to change is I was to have confidence.  I want to like myself.  I want to be happy.  Regularly.  I think these things are possible.  As soon as fair is over, I am going to go on a cleanse and then a vacation.  I need to reset and let go.  I need to know my value. 


I've made several Gratitude Journals in my little book and they keep ending up about the same.  Today I am again, supposed to write a gratitude journal.  So I thought I'd get a little inspiration from Pinterest from
1. I have no sense of smell, so I am not grateful for any.
2. I am thankful for laptops mostly.
3. The color black, because it is slimming.
4. Fried chicken. That's pretty self-explanatory
5. Little kids laughing.
6. baby deer
7. One time we were on vacation and my grandma pulled back the curtain.  A hundred hot air balloons were out the window.
8. Bible
9. my home
10. chocolate pudding
11. Easter
12. stone
13. intelligence
14. Little kids in church
15. fall
16. boobs
17. my husband
18. What a Wonderful World
19. indoor plumbing
20. That Jason cleaned his sink.
21. Morgan

Friday, July 13, 2018


Everything in moderation is how the old saying goes.  I tend to get a little obsessive about stuff.  Let's do it all!  That method has never really done me any favors.  Especially when it comes to my health.  I even went overboard when it came to my diet/workout/emotional plan.  If I am going to workout, I am going to workout in 100 degree heat or snow; no stopping me!  If I am going to work on my diet, I am going to actually buy and consume every weird thing I come across.  I am going to put salt in my mouth to cleanse something or other.  That all needed to stop.  I actually stopped losing weight and was under more stress than before I started relieving my stress. 
I have recommitted myself to my journey.  And though I had good ideas, I needed to take them slowly.  Now, I still love a good however-many-day challenge, but I only do a couple at a time.  I keep within my point system (usually), but I don't eat anything weird.  I do somethings I enjoy.  Even if it is weird.  I exercise almost daily.  I do what is safe and smart.  I will always take a day off once a week from now on.  I love those day, but I also like to work out.  Sometimes I just dance to a song instead of working my triceps.  I do what I want.  Within reason.  In moderation.