Friday, December 7, 2018

Bad Habit

Bad habits, bad habits.  What is a bad habit?  Depends on who you are asking.  What isn't a bad habit to me might be to you if had to deal with me doing it.  I have a bad habit of eating more than I should.  I also tend to be nervous when it isn't warranted.  I have a horrible temper.  All are bad characteristics.  Bad habit though?  I bite off my hang nails with my teeth.  Which is tearing up my teeth.  I also have a habit of drinking too much caffeine.  And there you have it.  Must they be broken?  I will decide. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Free Range

Free writing on my intuition.  hmmmm, that's a tuffy.  My intuition is usually pretty good, but can get a little messed up with my paranoia.  However, the world is pretty negative so sometimes paranoia doesn't mean they aren't after you.  I feel like my intuition would probably be better if when I said something, people would consider it instead of brushing it off as the ramblings of a nut job.  Even when the things happen, they don't connect it with me.  However, I could listen to it at anytime.  I could take myself seriously as well.  I don't take myself seriously.  I don't respect myself all that much.  I don't set up boundaries.  All of that I need to do.  For myself and my home.  Other people would benefit as well, but that's neither here nor there.  I was supposed to write three feelings I wanted to feel for the Christmas season.  The first one was appreciated.  That leaned on everyone else though.  Appreciation is overrated.  I changed it to Joy.  They can appreciate me all they want.  Or don't.  I should just have joy.  I also picked peace.  I kept that one.  The other I can't recall the original, but I changed it to wonder.  I would like to feel some wonder.  Endless wonder. 

Thursday, November 29, 2018

15 Interesting

15 Interesting things about me.  I don't know about interesting, but they stand out more than other facts.
1. Mother of 3, stepmother of 4, has one child with hypoplastic left heart
2. Have a Bachelor's in Education
3. Met someone running for President of the US (Bob Dole)
4. Been arrested (never charged)
5. Been to Washington DC twice
6. Have heard a ghost
7. Know how to play a flute
8. Know someone on death row
9. Hate the holiday Thanksgiving
10. Saw a panther (in Kansas in the wild)
11.  I have eaten both chicken feet and squirrel (separate occasions)
12.  Have watched the X-Files over four times
13. I practice daily meditation
14.I am a daughter of God
15. Once I was in the pit at a Metallica/Guns-n-Roses concert and got a Metallica pick

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

The Cliff?

I've been on a plateau as far as my weight loss goes.  For over two months, three really, I have been bouncing around the 36-37lb loss.  Up and down the same three pounds.  I was aware that plateaus are normal so I figured while I was at it I would dive into some other things that needed looked at.  Health wise.  I had some medical procedures done for health maintenance.  I knocked around the psychological blockages.  I even dabbled in the spiritual and borderline witchcraft stuff.  All of which was fun and effective in their own ways, but none helped with weight loss.  I have been following a "Finding Freedom" program that had me do a disorder questionnaire.  Turns out I am more than a little screwed up.  One of the things I do is I will go on an emotional binge and then to "fix" it, I will come close to starving to make it right.  Which leads to another binge, which leads to another starve.  Turns out this is an eating disorder.  I started to do some research on plateaus and on another program, "Finish Lines," I came across that this method of eating can encourage a plateau because on the starve days I don't eat enough calories (approx 700) and the binge too many(well over 2000).  I also had not lifted weights in about 3 months.  My water intake had fallen off.  These were all simple fixes, but the leveling out the emotional eating was going to take a few weeks to get straitened out.  Well, it's been about three weeks and this weigh in I finally broke the barrier!  Which is surprising since it was Thanksgiving weekend and not only was there lots of food, but lots of stress.  I think I handled the stress ok.  On the food, I made a Thanksgiving rules list and stuck to it.  Going back to tracking the next meal.  I feel better.  I don't trust it all of the way, but I do feel some relief. 

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Share and share alike

No matter the suffering, God is with me.  We suffer so that when others suffer we can be there with them and know what they are feeling.  I guess I am supposed to share my sufferings and comforts as well as my redemption.  I am hoping by what I am reading that if I share that God has helped me lose weight and get healthy that it will help others.  Of course first I have to lose weight. 

Friday, November 23, 2018

Doing my best

Every hindrance is to be thrown off and run with perseverance.  Toss sin aside.  Run amok! (Amok, Amok, Amok) If I keep my eyes on the prize (Jesus) I am not worried about stuff.  I am not ridden with guilt.  I am carefree and down right skippy.  Why do I blindly do what I am told by everyone else?  Out with the old, in with the new; give thanks.  Sin is no longer my master.  Fix my eyes on what is unseen.  I am renewed every day.  Be good. 

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

My Community

I live in a rural community in Kansas.  Though I live in the country, I am not a farmer.  I used to have a large garden and rabbits and stuff, but my kids outgrew the rabbits and my husband can't stand to have plants growing so I no longer do that.  I live near what could be considered a village.  About 200 people live there; that's at the top of a triangle between two small towns.  One, my kids go to school in, has about a thousand people in it; the other, that I work in, has about 10,000 people.  My church is in another village near by.  I wouldn't say I am especially close to that many people, but when you live in a small community all of your life everyone knows about everyone else always and it becomes close without really having to do the work.  If you know what I mean. 
I used to do a couple of exercise classes at local churches for exercise, but currently I just work on my own.  I have tried to incorporate my husband to exercise with me, but beyond the purchase of an extremely expensive piece of workout equipment, he hasn't done anything.  Some of the steps I have taken is to workout regularly, but not be crazy about it.  I hope that I can encourage him to join me, but he kind of has a confidence that is unreal.  Which is kind of great, but when he is wrong, there is no convincing otherwise.  Something I have been considering is getting a food counselor.  I think that might help.  I am starting to lose interest and I know in my heart that I am not finished.