What do I want

What do I want with this whole diet thing, anyway?  What I want is to be free.  I want to be free of excess weight and baggage.  I want to be free of judgement.  I want to be free of being pulled down.  However, I also want to be free of restrictions, of planning, and of sacrifice.  I want to do what I want to do.  I want to be free of feeling like I need to eat and just eat when I am hungry. I want to be free of all of the emotional pull.  I want to be free of the need for dieting, the dieting, and the end result.  I want to be free of it all.

San Diego

We recently took a trip to see our daughter in California.  She lives in Laguna Niguel with her husband in a cute little studio apartment not far from the beach.  We left our home in Kansas at the un-Godly hour of 2:45 am to catch a flight to Santa Ana.  Our youngest daughter, the heart kid, had never flown before, and was terrified.  As was I since I still have some apprehensions about flying.  I am scared to death of getting kicked off a plane for being too fat.  We caught a layover in Arizona to discover our gate had been changed to CLEAR ACROSS THE AIRPORT!  We sprinted across to make it in time for the next flight.  We then went straight to Disney Land!  We spent a whole day, looking, riding, but mostly waiting in line.  If ever there were a place to wait in line, Disney would be that place.
The next day we mostly visited.  Went out for breakfast, went the the beach to mess around (too cold to swim), the kids made us pizza in the pizza oven in the courtyard.  It was a nice day.  Sunday we went whale watching.  We were told by both our daughter and the company not to expect much, but we saw a humpback whale, a sea turtle, and a ton of dolphins.  It was so much fun.  We did some more visiting.  My husband wanted to see his old neighborhood and visit a friend.  The following day we had coffee in San Juan which is just the most adorable town ever!  Then a stop in Carlsbad to look at the flowers and on to our sea side rental.  It was a gorgeous day.  The view above is from our living room!
That week we spent a few days in San Diego.  We went to the zoo one day.  It is an enormous zoo!  If ever you go get a two day pass and see it all.  We didn't see it all and we walked over 5 miles that day just in the zoo.  The next day we went to the Midway.  You have to go to the Midway if you go to San Diego.  Everyone will expect it.  It is so interesting too.  My uncle served on that ship in the late 70s so I wanted to go or personal reasons.  Afterward, when ever we told anyone we went to San Diego, they wanted to know if we went to the Midway.  The last day we went to Old Town San Diego.  I wished we had had more time to spend there.  That place is pretty great.  And bring money!  You are going to want lots of souvenirs from Old Town.  It was a great trip.  My youngest wanted to go home earlier than planned and my husband wanted to stay later, so I guess it all evened out.  I thought we went home just right.  Other than we should have stayed at Old Town a little longer and not gotten to the airport so soon.  It was a good week.

End Goal

What is my end goal?  What will it look like?  Well, my end goal is to be healthy.  In all mannerisms.  I am in a rut right now.  I have been on a weight plateau for a few months now.  I have paid for a couple of different things to help.  One did quite a bit of good in the mental, eye-opening aspect.  The other I don't see where it helped at all.  I have gotten a couple more to try.  One was free.  It is a book and program that I was given to as a part of the launch team.  I am starting on it today.  The other is a higher vibration deal.  It may be total crap; it may quiet my demons.  We shall see. 

Why am I hesitant?

Why am I so hesitant to know my purpose?  I like to think it's because I just don't know.  And maybe that's true.  Could it also be because then I would have to do it?  What if it's hard?  What if it sucks?  What if it's something I really don't want to do ?   If it's my purpose, God will have me do it anyway, won't he?  Yes.  yes he will.

What if I knew

What advantages would I enjoy if I knew my purpose?  Well, how would I know if I don't know my purpose?  I suppose I would stop questioning "is this right? is this?" I would be more confident because I would know what I was supposed to be doing.  I would know it would work out.  Is this a waste of time?  Is there a point?

My Life's Purpose

Live a More Fulfilling Life

1. Am I living my life's purpose? 
I have no idea.  I'm not real sure what my life's purpose is actually.  My youngest says it is giving advice.  She thinks I am really good at it.  I don't know that anyone should really be taking advice from me.  That doesn't seem like a good idea.  Or maybe I should take my own.  My husband thinks it is to serve him.  I don't think that's it either.  If it is, I suck at it.  Maybe it is to teach.  I think I am pretty good at it, but I don't do it very often.  Hmmmm.   I guess it's a good thing I am doing this workbook.