cuz the preacher told me to

My church has not been meeting due to the state of Kansas being shut down.  Instead our preacher has been doing some videos on Facebook.  Some of his videos are a couple of minutes, just a magic trick or something(he's a professional clown).  Usually on Sundays he does one a little longer with a message and visuals.  This Sunday he said something about how we don't write when we meet together in church, we just talk, or sing, or hug or give.  He said we should write in a journal.  This is kinda like a journal.  Here goes.
Since the shut down has started I have probably been "going" to church more now than I ever did.  Before I went to my local church on Sundays.  I read a devotional and Upper room every morning or so.  That's about it.  Since then I have severely upped my religious game.  I now virtually attend a neighboring town's worship service that meets live on FB.  I also watch the videos from my own pastor.  I watch another church that is much larger in Texas on occasion.  I still do the morning devotionals, but also do a couple of scripture readings when I get to work as well.  I DVR Joyce Meyer everyday.  I can't help but feel like all of this down time is for our own good.  That we were getting out of hand, so God pulled the proverbial plug and is now counting to 30.  The typical reset to anything that has frozen up and won't respond.  Not that God plans pandemics, but you know.  silver linings and all.  I don't miss most of the usual extras.  The meetings, the games, the whatever.  I miss sports on TV.  I miss family get-togethers.  The rest can stay gone. 

Hold me Back

What holds me back from fully embracing God's love?  Well.  I guess it is the belief that I am not worthy.  That would probably be it.  I don't feel I am important or that I have done anything to deserve it.  Which, I guess no one has.  I should allow myself to feel it.  Allow it to come through.  There is no reason not to.  It's not like I can fool him.

Hope

We are all enduring something.  What has God already shown you while you wait?  He is showing me that I was doing too much and not paying enough attention to Him.  Since the world went into quarantine, I have started doing devotions and religious readings throughout the day.  I watch daily "speaks" through a local church and a Christian health influencer on Facebook.  I read the Bible more.  On Sundays I not only watch my own church's, but also a couple of others' services.  My connection to God has grown greatly since my connection to others has been set aside.  I think the whole world is going through similar changes.  I feel like God has pulled the cord and is counting to thirty.