Did I really?

Did I take care of my health last year?  sure.  I didn't need to go to the doctor at all.  I wasn't ever sick.  No cavities.  I exercised regularly.  I did compared to my 2004-2018.  But did I really?  I gained back 10 pounds.  I lied and cheated my way through a years worth of WW.  I tried short cuts.  I didn't focus on my mental and spiritual health as I had planned.  I spent a lot of it worrying and being disappointed.  Last year was supposed to be my "adventure" year.  Word of the year.  None of the things I planned to be adventurous happened.  But..... I did have some unexpected adventure.  I had two sons go further and yon to serve their country.  I supported that both emotionally as well as physically since both needed a lot of assistance with legal and financial matters due to that.  I had 2 grandchildren born.  One who is blazing through babyhood with only one kidney!  Planned a wedding.  In a week.  Took one of the trips planned and took another surprise mini trip that was unexpectedly fun as well as interesting.  So it was an adventure.  And I did come through healthy. Now the word for 2020 is peace.  I want to make peace with life.  With my weight and health.  with family.  with work.  with whatever life throws my way. 

How much money do I have?

How much mullah do I have?  Well, I'm not gonna answer that here.  I will say that I have enough.  I always have enough.  Even when I was living well below poverty level, I had enough.  When I was living hand to mouth, I had enough.  When we started our business, we had enough.  When we were being adopted for Christmas, I had enough.  When I could buy what I wanted, I had enough.  I have always felt comfortable with what I had.  Now, I like not being in poverty much better.  Don't get me wrong, I know which way is up.  But I always got through ok.  I like to think I always will, but I know enough to know that you never know until you go through it, how you are going to do.  But I am fine with what I have.

morning gratitude

Gratitude for Christmas eve eve:
1. time for a workout
2. Don't have to go to work till afternoon
3. places to go for Christmas
4. dryer is drying my clothes and I'm not hanging them on the line when it is 30.
5. library room is almost done
6. bookshelves
7. coffee
8. kitty is tamed down and I can pet her
9. warm in my house
10. got to walk yesterday.  outside.

Pleasurable Christmas

Things I find pleasurable that are not food related:
1. listening to music
2. reading
3. drinking coffee (does that count?)
4. watching christmas classics like "Little Women" and "Family Man"
5. driving around and looking at lights
6. shopping

Three things I can put in to practice today: listen to new playlist I made, watch Elf, & look at lights.

What I have discovered about myself with this activity.  I do a lot of food related activities during the Holidays. 

Why?

step 1: secure, mobility, nonjudgmental, worry free
step 2: It would look like someone who cares little for the thoughts of others toward me and confident in my feeling towards myself.
step 3: 2020 I will live my life with independent self and trust in God.

10 Years From Now

Where will I be in ten years?  In ten years I will be in my mid 50s!  Gasp!  My husband will be in his mid60s which is retirement time.  Since I work for him, that means I will likely retire too.  I think I will enjoy being a housewife.  Maybe not with him being retired, but staying home might be nice.  I will likely do the things I like to do now.  Those things don't really involve a lot of youth.  I would like to be a healthy 56.  I would like to have achieved my weight goals.  I would like to have been to a few places on my bucket list.  I would like to be comfortable and happy.  I would like to like myself.  I am ready to do those things now.  Why not now.

Nourish your Relationship

The self-improvement word of the day is: relationship.  If I want to nourish a current relationship, examine my relationship with food, and with the world, what would I write about? 
How to nourish my relationship with food.  My past relationship would be a indulge and a starvation.  Back and forth, back and forth.  I eat it all.  I restrict.  I hate it. I love it.  How to live like a regular person?  That is a very good question.  One that I cannot answer.