rewrite my story

Trauma stored in my body.  Well, yes.  Trauma is verbal abuse, physical abuse, manipulation by partner, infidelity, medical trauma with child.  All there.  Most of weight problem came after the medical trauma.  It was brutal and I will probably never heal completely.  I have clung to the food to self-medicate for the above.  I will change my story and make myself a priority.  I will use food for fuel and not a therapeutic relationship.  I will be more healthy.  I will feel confidant.  I will be strong enough to endure whatever life throws at me.  I will leave the weakness behind. 

coming undone

Last year I decided it was the year of health.  I was going to become healthy physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally.  I worked very hard on that.  I lost a lot of weight (not enough, still working on that), I discovered a lot about myself, got in tune with myself, grew closer to God, etc.  This year was going to be the year of adventure.  I was going to take 3 trips and have fun.  Life kept happening.  Also, due in part of the stress of the year, I stopped losing weight.  The year, it is a wonder I didn't gain it all back really.  Everyone around me has been causing extremely high stress.  My daughter announced she was pregnant.  Again.  Still not married.  Then she decided to break up with the dad and go on her own.  My son decided to join the army.  Out of the blue.  Then my grandfather was put on hospice.  That was the spring.  The summer brought, son decided to quit the army.  Which is apparently something you can do.  Daughter's unborn baby has only one working kidney.  Daughter is living in son''s house.  Other daughter struggles with a crazy schedule of dance team and driver's ed, both teachers are flakes who change their schedule on a whim and insist that their whatever is the only thing in the world that counts.  Had to quit dance.  Son decides to move back into his house when he comes back, daughter gets new boyfriend who is living with her.  They move into different house.    Husband decides to revamp the business.  Complete overhaul, mostly to be done by me.  Baby is born.  Grandfather dies and one week later cousin-in-law commits suicide.  Son is  homeless for about 2 months.  I did get a couple of trips in.  Though because of  "I am going to join the army; I am going to quit the army" the trips kept switching.  Before all hell broke loose we got to go to CA to see my step-daughter for Spring Break.  Had to go to Texas for business.  But that doesn't really count.  Went to Illinois for a long weekend in July.  Not exciting, but better than nothing.  It's been trying.  I need a little down time.  I need to control my eating.  I need to rest.  I need shit to quit happening.  A little boredom would be nice.  No more adventure. 

Back to You Challenge

Day 1:  One goal for this week

My goal for this week is to not out eat my points for WW.  It doesn't do any good to pay for the program if you are going to out eat the program.  Ways to do this: plan ahead, snack on more fruits and veggies. 

F&B image day 4

What does body image mean to you?  How we view and feel about our bodies.

What does body image healing mean to you? Making peace and learning to enjoy the body we have.

what are one or two of the above components to help strengthen body image that you’d like to focus on? How do you see yourself nurturing these components in your life? To take care of my body even when I don't feel like it.  To show respect and kindness regardless of my opinion.

Food Body Image Day 3

Negative Talk:
There's really no point, it won't work.
No one is looking anyway.
No one cares.
Too old
Pig
Disgusting


Everything takes time.  It took a lot of time to gain this and it is the result of a lot of trauma.  The things that happened to result in this are bigger than a eating problem.  You did what you could when you could.  Now you are doing this.  It will take time to learn. 
No one may be looking, but so what.  What does it matter what anyone thinks.
You care.  You need to be aware of your health and make it a priority. 
Caring for yourself will result in better relationships.  They may need to take a cut in "their" wants and time, but the quality will be better.  Some of these people need to take care of themselves anyway.
You are not a pig, you just know good food when you taste it. 
You are not disgusting.  These are things people told you to gain control over you to better themselves.  They are weak.  You are not. 

Food & Body Image Day 2

In your experience, what has not honoring your hunger shown you?
Anger, nerves, over eating
In your experience, what has not allowing yourself unconditional permission to eat what you’d like shown you? Well, usually I allow myself to eat whatever, that's how I got into the shape I am in.  However, I also frequently won't allow myself what I want and make do with something else.  Something better.  Then I find I keep eating looking for satisfaction.  Either way I lose.

With this insight in mind, how can you better honor your hunger? Eat what is healthy.  If still hungry, eat what I want that might not be considered healthy.

Corrine Dobbas

Food & Body Image Day 1

In my body, the physical sensation of hunger feels like...nervousness.
 To better honor my hunger in a timely, caring manner it may be helpful to experiment with....eating small portions when hunger arises rather than trying to hold it off until desperate.
In my body, the physical sensation of fullness feels like..comfort.
 To better honor my fullness in a timely, caring manner it may be helpful to experiment with...eat until no longer hungry, then finding something else that brings comfort.

In my body, the physical sensation of feeling satisfied from an eating experience feels like..relief.
 To better allow myself to experience satisfaction from an eating experience it may be helpful to experiment with....eating what I want to begin with, but with smaller portions.

In my body, the physical sensation of emotions I experience during a challenging food or body image moment feels like...I don't like it.

To better allow myself to take care of myself during these challenging food or body image moments, it may be helpful to experiment with.....not having them?