I have been isolated in my struggle mainly because making it known opens up things for people to attack. They will know it bothers me and go straight for it. My husband usually goes straight for crazy. My father did too. It's in my experience that men tend to do that. Making a woman crazy makes her easier to handle. You also don't have to admit that you are an asshole. If I let it be known that my weight bothers me, it would give him a new target. He already had a period of trying to control what I ate all the time. He thought it was funny. It was not funny. My mother would be constantly giving me "helpful" advise. Of course sometimes, she just makes it up. Like completely. No nutritional research at all. I want to find a balance of not being ashamed and taking care of myself without boosting so many egos with my suffering.
One thought that keeps coming back, "it doesn't matter to anyone". Which may be true. My weight truly doesn't and shouldn't. The only time it does is to give someone an ego boost or ammunition to cut me down. Whether my weight is up or down, really doesn't matter. I should care about being healthy and that is it. I've GOT to cut out some of this negativity in my life.
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