Top Three

What are the top three priorities in my life right now?  Well, currently, I would say it is my health.  I've been working on several different aspects of my health and it is very important to me.  During this journey it has become clear that my health only matters to me.  It is a bit disappointing that I seem to be the only one that cares; but I guess it's time I did.  At least someone should.  The second would be my children.  My youngest has had a really rough summer with injuries, surgeries, and depression.  Keeping her going has been a very trying time.  Third I would say work. It is how we make our living, but it has become apparent that my husband needs me more.  He hasn't been doing well with my attention placed on other things than him. I need to give him more, I guess.  I just don't really want to.  I feel he's had enough.  He disagrees. 

Prayer Life

What is one thing I need to do to improve my Prayer Life?  Honestly, it is to remember to do it.  I do challenges a lot and prayer before eating comes up a lot.  I forget almost every time.  Prayer first thing in the morning also comes up.  Forget to do that too.  Seems I can't remember unless there is something major going on.  Which is probably why there is always something major going on.  I need to set up something that will remind me.  I pray when it is included in my readings and devotions.  You would think that would remind me to have a conversation; but no.  That is the one thing I need to do.

Delegation

Where in my life do I need to delegate more?  That would be housework.  I live with a husband, a 22 year old daughter and a 13 year old daughter.  I should not be doing all that I am doing.  I have been reading Faith, Fitness, and something; I can't remember.  Anyway, it said I need to give my teens more responsibility and decision making.  I have started doing a lot more of that.  The 22 year old should be doing some shopping and more decision making.  I have been having her do that.  She still isn't thinking of it on her own, but I think that will come with time. I've also been giving her some cooking duties.  I enjoy cooking, so it's not that I want her to take over, but I have her doing some marinating and side dishes.  The 13 year old has been getting more such as deciding and doing her own laundry.  She also has been deciding things for meals such as type of fruit or whatever.  These are small things, but decisions I have been making and it would be good if they did some of that.  More than just the chores I leave for one or the other to do daily and their own stuff.  I deserve a break today!

The Loop

What is going to attempt to throw me for a loop this month?  Well that's easy.  Vacation.  Four days of traveling, B&Bs, gas stations, fast food, my worst nightmare!!!!!  I want to go badly, need to go.  I am on a light cleanse right now to prepare (get ahead of the game?) and plan to go on a major one when we get back.  But those 4 days are going to be doozies.  i went to Abilene, Ks on a weekend during Spring Break and I don't think I came close to keeping within my points.  And I was very careful.  Stayed with water, tea, and diet soda for drinks.  Tried to stay in the realm of poultry and fish for entrees.  But man, being on the road is murder for the ol' point system.  That cleanse when I get back is going to be severe!

Kinder, Gentler, me

What is one thing I could do today that would make a quieter and gentler me?  Well, I would need plenty of time alone.  When I get busy and stressed, when people keep demanding from me is when I get mean and loud.  I tend to be quiet when I get some quiet.  I can be gentle when I have time to step away from the demands.  My job, however, is taking calls from people whose ACs are broken and placing a technician to see them.  Which means I get all of the hot and mad people calling me and if things don't work out perfectly, they call again.  Hotter and Madder.  It can be a pretty stressful job.  Luckily, it has been cool (low 90s) lately.  But, the other office woman is on vacation and it is Monday.  So today might be a doozy.  I plan to meditate now and at lunch take a walk around the block.  I also plan to eat outside, away from the phone.  These little breaks should, hopefully, keep me calm. 

If time Froze

If time froze for everyone but me for one hour what would I do?  Honestly, I would go through their stuff.  I know that sounds nosey and selfish and a little weird.  But that is what I would do.  I'd go to their houses and look.  Not for anything specific, just browse.  I'd only have one hour.  So I'd have to be quick. 

what is the one thing I could do this month to further my spiritual journey?

Several times I have had "prayer before meals" challenges or pray anytime really and that seems to get blown off quickly for some reason.  I have trouble doing it for one day, let alone a month.  This month has a week and a half to go.  Can I pray even just once a day?  Can I remember that much? I don't seem to forget to pray when I  need something.  Maybe that's why I always seem to need something.  It's the only way God can get me to talk to him.  I am going to try to pray once a day for no particular reason.   Make it a new habit.  I'm not going to print when I will work it in.  Mainly because I don't want to hear anyone else's opinion about it.  I'm going to give it a try.  Again.

Amazing

Things that make me feel amazing:  being near the mountains.  I love the mountains.  To look at them.  I get bad altitude sickness, so I really don't like being in them, but I do like being near them.  Mountains are magnificent.  Also, when my husband appreciates me.  He doesn't often and he should.  So when he does, I feel amazing.  Being able to do exercises that I couldn't do before.  I love that.  Makes me feel young.  Hearing my kids laugh.  They are all 13 and up but I still love to hear them laugh.  When a cat curls up next to me to sleep.  Seeing the scale go down.  Trying on a shirt that I out grew and now it's a new shirt!  Making something healthy that I just love.  Like the toasted roast beef sandwiches that I got off of a healthy recipe website.  It's loaded with lettuce, tomato, whole grain, mmmmmmmmmm.  Sleeping really good and waking up when I feel like it.  A hot bath and a book.  Watching snow fall.  Feeling hot dry grass with my bare feet.  These are things I love and am grateful for.  They kind of tell you my story as well.  This is me.

What am I afraid of?

I am going to assume that since this question was on an emotional eating journal list, that they are talking about food and not nuclear war.  I guess I am afraid that I will have to do without.  I have never been close to starving.  I was raised on a farm, so the absence food was never really an issue.  Farms have food.  It wasn't a large variety; you tend to eat what is in season.  But it was all good and healthy and there was plenty of it.  But fresh food does tend to go bad quickly and therefore needs to eaten quickly.  So maybe that's it.  I've been practicing mindful eating and I have discovered that I just like eating.  It taste good.  It's stimulating.  It's fun to be creative with it.  Eating is great!  I am afraid that I will miss out on the fun.  I am afraid that I am going to have something I enjoy taken from me.  Replacing food with exercising is not fun.  It's terrible.  I don't like it.  So I guess that's what I am afraid of.  Suffering.  But I am suffering either way, aren't I? 

How do I feel about me?

Right now, how do I feel about me?  For one, I am disappointed that I can't seem to get back in control of my eating.  I am not where I was a few months ago, but I am not entirely in control either.  I eat more points than it is suggested.  I don't write them all down.  I am eating when I don't especially want to.  That is one of the reasons why I am doing an emotional eating journal for the next 30 days.  But, there is more to me than just eating.  I am dealing with an injured child and she is healing well.  I am trying to run a business and for the most part am doing well there too.  I have hired help, which I am feeling guilty about needing to do.  I don't know why, because people do it all of the time.  I think it's because my husband wants me there all of the time.  He tries to make me feel bad if I am not at his disposal at all times.  But I just don't want to kill myself making everything work all of the time.  That is one of the reasons for this awakening trip I am on now.  I am learning self-care and practicing it even though others seem to resent me for it.  I guess when you have had privilege all this time and then you have equality it might feel like you are being discriminated against.  Others will just have to deal. 

I'm the author

I am supposed to write my life story as it is now and how I can change it.  That being that I am the author.  Which makes me think of "Once Upon a Time" the series.  My story isn't as eventful as that.  I work, I take care of kids, husband, etc.  Previously I spent years being soooo overworked.  However, after my son graduated from High school and I was down to one kid at home, I felt the need to scale back on what I did.  I spent a couple of years basically working, reading, and watching TV.  There needed to be some changes.  I was burnt out and needed to take care of me for once.  I have actually felt guilty for using the bathroom.  A little self-care was called for.  I didn't even know where to start.  My weight was probably the most pressing so I joined Weight Watchers.  Then began to work on grooming.  I mean, I was clean; but hair cuts were few and far between.  Painting toe nails were a once a month event.  Moisturizing and flossing were full blown luxuries.  You know.  The mom stuff.  I have been working on myself quite a bit.  Don't know if it is helping or not.  What I would like to change is I was to have confidence.  I want to like myself.  I want to be happy.  Regularly.  I think these things are possible.  As soon as fair is over, I am going to go on a cleanse and then a vacation.  I need to reset and let go.  I need to know my value. 

Gratitude

I've made several Gratitude Journals in my little book and they keep ending up about the same.  Today I am again, supposed to write a gratitude journal.  So I thought I'd get a little inspiration from Pinterest from www.avasalphabet.com.
1. I have no sense of smell, so I am not grateful for any.
2. I am thankful for laptops mostly.
3. The color black, because it is slimming.
4. Fried chicken. That's pretty self-explanatory
5. Little kids laughing.
6. baby deer
7. One time we were on vacation and my grandma pulled back the curtain.  A hundred hot air balloons were out the window.
8. Bible
9. my home
10. chocolate pudding
11. Easter
12. stone
13. intelligence
14. Little kids in church
15. fall
16. boobs
17. my husband
18. What a Wonderful World
19. indoor plumbing
20. That Jason cleaned his sink.
21. Morgan

Moderation

Everything in moderation is how the old saying goes.  I tend to get a little obsessive about stuff.  Let's do it all!  That method has never really done me any favors.  Especially when it comes to my health.  I even went overboard when it came to my diet/workout/emotional plan.  If I am going to workout, I am going to workout in 100 degree heat or snow; no stopping me!  If I am going to work on my diet, I am going to actually buy and consume every weird thing I come across.  I am going to put salt in my mouth to cleanse something or other.  That all needed to stop.  I actually stopped losing weight and was under more stress than before I started relieving my stress. 
I have recommitted myself to my journey.  And though I had good ideas, I needed to take them slowly.  Now, I still love a good however-many-day challenge, but I only do a couple at a time.  I keep within my point system (usually), but I don't eat anything weird.  I do somethings I enjoy.  Even if it is weird.  I exercise almost daily.  I do what is safe and smart.  I will always take a day off once a week from now on.  I love those day, but I also like to work out.  Sometimes I just dance to a song instead of working my triceps.  I do what I want.  Within reason.  In moderation.

Long Road

Beverly Lewis' latest novel is "The Road Home."  Lena Rose is an Amish girl living in Michigan with her 9 siblings when her parents are killed in a car wreck.  Since no one could take in all 10 kids, they are split up among family in several different houses.  Though the younger 9 could stay in their hometown in Michigan, Lena Rose must go to Lancaster County to live with a cousin.  While there Lena misses her siblings terribly and breaks up with her boyfriend, but makes the most of her life in Lancaster.  She makes new friends, she gets a job, and she meets a new fella.The entire time she longs to find a way home.
Lewis normally knocks them outta the park.  This isn't her best.  It is still better than the average Amish Fiction out there, but it isn't really up to her usual standards.  I kind of felt the book was waiting to start.  It was still more than worth reading; it was still a wonderful book.  I would still recommend it.  I received this book in exchange for an honest review from Bethany House Publishers.

Transformation Thursday

Today marks the end of the one week Mind Body Reset.  In February I decided it was time to change some things.  I joined Weight Watchers and began to lose weight.  I started working out daily, began keep track of my points.  When Summer started I began to take notice that there was more to my health than just physical; I also needed to take a hard look at my mental, emotion, and spiritual health.  I began to work on those as well.  Also, this went well.  In June, my daughter had some health issues.  She dropped boiling water in her lap and the next week she needed foot surgery.  To say June sucked would be an understatement.  I also stopped loosing weight even though I was working out like a demon.  I was not sticking to my points either.
That's when I started to get nontraditional.  I started the 7 day Mind Body Reset and started to do something a little different.  I have begun to lose weight again and feel like I am ready to do this.  I am ready to begin the mission with a different attitude.  It is ok to be me.  It is ok to take care of me. 

Are you there God? It's me Beckie

What is my spiritual belief?  I believe in God.  I believe Jesus is my Savior.  I'm pretty sure I am going to heaven.  I read scripture daily.  Or try to.  I pray daily.  Or try to.  I go to church regularly.  I teach Sunday School a couple months out of the year.  My religious beliefs are scattered in that they aren't totally traditional.  Once I had a family of kids in my Sunday School class (this was at a different church where I taught every week) and they knew nothing of God, Christianity, Adam and Eve, Nativity, nothing.  They had never heard of Jesus, let alone knew why there was nativity scenes at Christmas time.  They had never heard of Noah's ark.  Sooo, we started at the beginning.  And God said let there be light; and there was.  Armed with our Good News Bible, a chalk board, and 4th grade science, we hammered out the first 7 days.  And weirdly it made perfect sense. We had dinosaurs, evolution, and difference in time movement.  When you take out tradition and previously conceived concepts, you can see life in a whole different light.  It was a beautiful experience.  And I am so glad I met them.  I hope they remember everything we learned together. 

my next phase

I tend to go through phases.  I've noticed a lot of people do that.  I have had many.  They become almost obsessions.  From the time I was a kid, I have changed regularly.  Fortunately I never really let go and keep a bit of it forever.  But at the quantity that I indulge in my phase, there is no way I can keep up that pace forever.  Which is a bit scary considering that my current phase is complete health.  I want to be able to keep this going.  Just not at the neck breaking speed that I am going.  It has recently become more than I can physically keep up with.  So I am forcing myself to limit and keep it down so that I can make this a  lifestyle and not just another phase.  For instance I loooove those so-many-day challenges.  You know, 21 days to a better butt challenge 7 day Relaxation Challenge, etc.  Right now I am doing the Whole Life Challenge.  I am also finishing up a few others.  I plan to not replace them until it is through.  Then incorporate slowly; so that I can maintain health, rather than play with it and let it go.  I am truly worried about this.  Past phases have been book reviewing, Netflix movies, tv series, James dean, old movies, work out DVDs, ghosts, women's professional softball, etc.  This health thing is important to me and I dearly hope that I can maintain it without burnout. 

What have I done today?

Journaling is supposed to relive stress.  Just record events, thoughts, etc.  Went to Wal-mart first thing to get my office aide a birthday card.  The big 21!  Remember 21?  Neither does she.  Today I had to go to work.  It was pretty busy since Mondays always are.  Had a pleasant surprise when i got there, cuz my Grandma was there waiting for her car to get done.  It was at the neighboring shop getting the oil change.  We visited for quiet awhile.  Talked vacations and whatever.  I did some office work, had some time for some "mindful eating" mediation.  Then I went to Wendy's to get my husband some lunch.  He never brings his lunch.  I brought mine.  I got off at 2ish.  A couple of friends stopped by to fax some stuff.  So had some nice visits.  Went to Walgreen's to get some mole cloth.  My daughter's cast is rubbing blisters on her feet, and the nurse though it would help.  She says it does.  Been working on my mouth, thoughts, and attitude.  Watched Pick Up Limes video and she said to wear a band on your wrist and switch it whenever negative thoughts came to mind.  To reset it.  I think I switch it half a dozen times on the way home today.  It's been a fairly good day.  Can''t complain.

like a fine wine or stinky cheese

Age.  I have reached the dreaded middle age.  45.  I don't know which I am, the cheese or the wine.  I pretty much squandered my youth as far as health goes.  I was always pretty much healthy and have worked at my weight all my life.  I have been ashamed of my weight my whole life. Which is weird, because when I see pictures of myself at pretty much any phase other than recently, I look fine.  My mother and great-grandmother both had an obsession with weight.  Mostly other people's weight.  I have heard my mother go off about the weight of people she has never met, never seen.  They both just seem to love to  insult others about their size.  Neither has a weight problem.  So it would be reasonable that size would be an issue with me.  I have been told I was fat since I hit puberty.  I have not been overweight until I was 30.  I don't know how much is real and how much is not.

Breaking Bad

The worst habit I probably have is emotional eating.  It is how I deal with stress and how I deal with boredom.  Either way life takes me, that old habit has got me.  It's not my only one.  I also cuss like a sailor and can juuudge till the cows come home.  Mostly though I am incredibly shy, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.  Lately I have taken up meditation.  This helps tremendously with all three of these bad habits.  It's a good habit to have and hopefully that is what it will become.  It calms my brain and my emotions.  Both need calming.  I hope in my journey for better health, I also develop a better character.

Glass half empty

I am a glass half empty kind of gal.  I would love to be able to lie and say I was an optimist; but alas, that would be the very contradiction in terms.  I tend to expect the bad; it usually happens.  I tend to pray for bad things to not happen, rather than for good things to happen.  Weirdly all of my devotions, inspiration things, etc today are all about being grateful, looking on the brighter side, expecting the next opportunity.  New Goal:  Instead of being depressed about minuscule weight gain, be grateful that I had the food to eat in the first place.  There are places in this world, in my own town, where people do not have enough food.  I am so lucky that I do.  That I can make choices.  That I can afford to buy the healthy foods.  I am a lucky girl.

Health Issues

Mostly I am a fairly healthy person.  Currently I have no health problems.  I would have to say my biggest health issue is my weight.  Though I can't say that it has caused any true problems such as heart problems or diabetes, it would be safe to say that I was headed in that direction.  I know that I felt "something" going on in the area of my heart.  I no longer feel that with the weight that has been lost.  I know that my lower joints and back were in pain, but now with less weight and more movement, the pain is significantly less.  In February, I feared that my health was preparing to deteriorate in an unfavorable way and knew that I needed to get control of it.  I think I have done very well. 
That said, this week I gained .8 of a pound.  First time that has happened.  I have not lost any many weeks, but this is the first gain.  Which is weird since I have upped my exercise.  I can come up with many reasons: menstruation, lots of stress with my daughter's health, the fact that I eat ALL the smart points.  I have started paying more attention lately to my food intake, but am still intaking a lot!  I need to get a handle on that.  Eating is my stress reliever.  And the stress has been bad.

Volunteer my Services

I used to do a ton of volunteer and charity work.  After doing so much it made me feel used.  Now that I work full time, I have cut back immensely on my time volunteering.  I still collect pop tabs for the Ronald McDonald House, I teach Sunday School and do some stuff at our church.  I also am a leader of my daughter's 4H club.  Now that my kids are in middle school or college (or graduated) I don't do as much at the schools.  But I will buy pretty much anything that the proceeds are going toward an organization or charity.  Mostly this stuff makes me feel pretty good, I guess.  Really I don't think too much about it.  It needs to be done, so I do it.  The only time that it becomes a problem is 4-H and that's because of the dynamic of the members, rather than the actual work itself.  I guess we gotta do what we gotta do.

Socially Akward

I have been relatively shy my whole life.  I hate small talk.  I don't like having to talk to people I don't know well.  I just can't think of a singe thing to say.  I was painfully shy as a kid.  Never talked.  When I reached 18ish I became verrry socially active.  I did it all; I went everywhere.  Kids came and things slowed down, but I pretty much replaced my social life with a very active children life.  We went to all of the functions, lessons, meetings, etc.  I taught Sunday school and was a leader of our church.  When my son played sports in high school ( and he played them all)  I was on a 24 hour a day/ 7 days a week go.  I was with people all of the time!  I became increasingly burned out.  When he graduated I turned into a hermit.  Back to the shy me that chose to never leave the house.  I really needed the down time.  After a year of that I have now found a semi-happy medium.  I only have one child at home now, so her functions are few in comparison to the 7 kids we had going before.  I spend a lot more time at home and alone.  We switched churches so I have a lot less leadership roles which equals a lot less interaction.  I still hate small talk and would probably be fine if I never spoke again; but I know that isn't the best thing for me health-wise.  I could probably stand to take my social activities up a notch....but I just don't want to.

Ha Ha Ha

Laughter is the best medicine.  Laughter eases anxiety.  Laughter is just a great way to spend time.  Lately my life hasn't been full of laughter.  It's been full of worry.  One of the best ways to surround myself with laughter is to watch TV or movie.  Those people are paid to be funny whether they want to or not.  Unlike real-life people who aren't paid for that, so their strife and struggles are there for all to see.  One of the go-to people for laughter for me is Bill Cosby.  Say what you want, but that man in funny.  There's no denying that.  Roseanne is another.  Both are people with issues that have been blasted into the lime light, but when they are on, you are rolling on the ground struggling for breath, laughing so hard and loving every minute of it.  The Wayans family is another.  Doesn't matter which, they are all hilarious.  Can you imagine being at a family reunion? 
I have on my "to do list" to watch a Royals game tonight.  Not funny, but I already scheduled it.  It's a reliever.  On my lunch break, I think I will watch "Happy Endings" on Hulu.  Have a laugh on.